*NOTE: This is a piece I wrote for MadameNoire.com

Much of how we perceive ourselves physically, and for many of us, the confidence that we have in our looks, begins with how we feel about our hair. Negative thoughts—even passing ones—can wilt our flowers of self-esteem as we journey into developing a carefree attitude toward our hair. Whether you’re first going natural, years in, or struggling with relaxed strands, many of us often feel discontent with our locks when they don’t do what we want them to. But here are five things to remember in order to get happy about your hair and make those strands happy.

Progress doesn’t always equal perfection.

Take pride in your progress and don’t worry so much about having perfect hair. A quick inventory will prove that you’ve taken steps toward your hair goals. Okay, so you had a few too many wonky braid outs than you would have liked over the last two months, but through those struggles you learned what works for your hair and eventually started seeing the perfect crinkles you wanted to. Think of the times before when you had no idea what you were doing! Yes, you’ve come a long way. Small wins lead to bigger ones. Now celebrate your success!

Healthy hair is happy hair.

Create a simple daily or weekly routine that works for you and your lifestyle. As long as it creates a healthy result that improves your hair, or simply slashes time on wash day, it’s worth repeating. A superb conditioner and consistent nighttime routine works wonders against dryness and breakage. Moisture is your hair’s best friend–give your strands what they need.

Try new styles as often as you want.

Put a flower in your hair. Part it on the opposite side. Try a style you saw on Pinterest. To boost your confidence in locks, have fun with new hair adventures. Allow yourself the space to flow in and out of your comfort zone with your look. Let your inner beautician play instead of forcing her to remain on stand-by while you fashion your hair into a dry top knot for the sixth day in a row. A few flexi-rods, hair clips and a vision of tousled, no-heat mermaid waves will get your creative mojo going (As will a packet of bleach, leftover weave and a bottle of dye).

Become your hair’s hype woman.

When you feel yourself getting discouraged, choose to hype up the good things about your hair. Think instead about what you’re learning about your strands as opposed to allowing yourself to get super stressed about things your hair isn’t doing to cooperate. There are more good qualities your hair exhibits than terrible ones. There’s nothing silly about a little hair affirmation. If all you do is roll your eyes in the mirror and giggle after repeating the phrase, “Today is the best hair day of my life” three times, the affirmation worked!

Let your hair be.

Accept the head of hair you have. More importantly, appreciate and love that head of hair. Wear it proudly. Swing your relaxed mane, fluff up your ‘fro or let your spirals bounce in the wind. Play up what you’ve got. Your hair, relaxed or natural, will become “good” enough when you break the habit of comparing your hair to others, and you’ll be happier with how it behaves. You’ll realize you’ve got the best head of hair—a happy one.